Sunday, August 18, 2013

Recovery

A few days back, one of my friends asked me: "How long did it take you to beat anorexia and how did you do it?"

At first I was baffled. How do I even go about answering that? Then when I started writing, I had so much to say I practically had to restrain myself from writing a novel. I thought I would post my response to her for you all to read as well:

It took well over a year with many months straight of daily therapy for basically the whole day, being supervised at every meal 6 meals a day every day for most of that year. It took going to the doctor at least once a week for many months, and making sure I ate enough between doctor visits to avoid being admitted to the hospital or having a heart attack or being sent to a residential facility in Nevada or Utah. And that's pretty much just the physical stuff; mentally, it took everything I had and then some. Therapy upon therapy upon therapy. And then the mental stuff outside of therapy- dealing with panic attacks every day, then slowly decreasing to a few a week, every few weeks, then they became a rarity. Completely turning upside down and inside out everything I believed about the world and about myself. It was hard, so so hard, and for months straight I just wanted to give up at every moment. And I fought it at that time too, pushing everyone away, refusing to comply with everybody, hiding behind tv's and couches and under pillows until they practically had to drag me out. But then I stopped resisting eventually, submitted myself to the fact that I had to do this. And then slowly started to put effort in. After hitting rock bottom, realizing that this was no way to live a life. Accepting that it would be a long- lifelong- and hard fight, but that it is possible and it is worth it. And then slowly, I started having little victories, started fighting my ed for those around me, finding reasons to keep going- so my family could stop paying so much for therapy, so they wouldn't have to see me in this state, etc. And then eventually I started fighting it for myself, because I started believing that I was worth it, worth being happy and having a good healthy life. It took a long time and a lot of work, honestly I'm still working sometimes, but eventually I got as close as I can be to 100%, and it was entirely worth every ounce of effort.

If anybody would like me to write more posts on recovery, about questions you have, things about myself, my story/recovery experience, personal issues you need help with, I am 100% here to answer anything, help you out, talk to you. I can write posts on any topic, and you can always email me at giraffesilhouette@gmail.com. Now that I'm on the other end of recovery, I really want to help people that are still struggling, because I know what it's like, I know how hard it is. So I'm here for you all <3

1 comment:

  1. I dont know what it is or why, but I would like it if you could write more posts on your story with Anorexia/your recovery. I'm so glad to hear that you have recovered. I am currently suffering with some form of an eating disorder, though not 100% Anorexia. I am not looking to recover right now, not by far. Buy think I like knowing that the option is out there if I ever choose to go that route. If that makes any sense. I will comment with questions as I have them, but for now this is all I have. Xx

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