Saturday, July 6, 2013

Biking, Flying, and the Bean

I guess I'm going to go back to this 'posting daily' thing I haven't done in so long :)

Today I biked to a town about 6 miles away with one of my friends, we got frozen custard while there and talked about a bunch of things. We went to a bookstore as well and I got, how many books I have to go count them.. five! And let me tell you those were not easy to bike the six miles back with.

Then I just spent the rest of my day at home, I was watching the news on TV with my dad for over two hours when I came home because the airplane crash at SFO had just happened while I was getting frozen custard, and there was live news coverage of it all day. If you hadn't heard about it, a plane flying in to San Francisco from South Korea went out of control and crashed on the runway, the tail was broken off as it hit the barrier and the plane cartwheeled and skidded to a stop, only two were confirmed dead last I checked and most had gotten off of the plane to safety before it caught on fire. I haven't checked the stats recently. It was pretty scary though. I live just an hour south of San Francisco.

One of my best friends was actually boarding a plane at SFO to go to China right when the crash happened, when I heard about it I texted her right away making sure she was okay, thankfully they were fine (although they kept them on the plane waiting for almost 5 hours before they could go back and wait in the airport terminal -.-). I'm so thankful she's fine though, she was flying off from the same runway set that the plane crashed on and if things had happened at slightly different times then maybe they could have gotten hit.

I went to dinner with my dad, then we came home and booked everything for our trip next week to Minneapolis-St. Paul, Minnesota and Chicago, Illinois. I'm extremely excited for it!! Although I'm nervous for my interviews at the colleges :s We're leaving on Wednesday, only a few days away, yay! And we're going to be staying in a hotel right by the Mall of America in Minn/StPaul, it's this insanely huge mall that has an amusement park inside it, my dad said that if you spent five minutes in every store in the mall, it would take you two days to visit them all (not sure if that's true, but WOW). And I'm so excited just to see the area, it seems like a really nice place and the school which I probably want to go to most (aside from those in Europe), Macalester, is in MSP. It will be awesome to take my tour/interview there. And Chicago will be amazing as well, all the architectural genius in that city, and I can't wait to see the Bean, if you don't know what it is here's a picture:

So awesome!

I haven't talked to anyone in the blog world in a while, leave me a comment and let me know what's been going on with you, I'd love to catch up! :)

I'm going to upload in another post my pictures from today, they're on my mobile but for some reason I can't access this post to edit from mobile, so I'll just make a separate post.

Friday, July 5, 2013

Blue Summer

For a while there, it's like I almost forgot I had a blog? I don't even remember the last time I posted! I've just been too busy, or too lazy, to post anything. And it's not like much eventful things have happened lately.

My summer hasn't been too great. Or I guess it's been okay.. I've been feeling extremely apathetic lately though. I've spent most mornings just lying on my bed or floor in the hot weather, not motivated to do a thing, not really caring. And my mental state hasn't been great. I've actually been doing better with depression, But I've had awful anxiety a lot of the time, and general apathy. I've had I think 3 panic attacks this week, fun stuff. I keep getting triggered remembering E (guy who sexually harassed me) by the tiniest things, and it sends my mind spiraling into anxiety and anger and helplessness. I've felt awful about that lately, and extremely alone. Without enough to occupy my mind it can wander and remember over and over and over what happened, and analyzing way too much, undoing all the therapy I had- I believe once again now about 90% that what happened was my fault. Shit shit shit I'm thinking about it now. New topic.

My eating hasn't been great either.. it's not like I'm intentionally restricting (or most of the time i'm not), but more that I just can't be bothered to arrange food for myself. My mum is in Canada right now, and she will be for another couple weeks. On one hand I've been having a great time living by myself, it can be really fun and empowering having total responsibility for cleaning the house/grocery shopping/feeding the cats/doing dishes/etc etc. But at the same time I'm getting a bit lonely and tired, and it can be hard having nobody to hold you accountable for anything. Being all alone. Nobody to talk to if I'm freaking out or having a hard day. I mean there's my friends of course who I've been with almost constantly, but the times when I'm home with nobody around and my friends all busy, it can be hard. And then there's stuff like this morning when I wake up and go out into the living room, and my cat had pooped right in the middle of the room, I was just like, what the fuck? why? And there's things I don't know, like what cleaning product to use on the floor to clean it up without ruining the wood? Ugh, okay this has probably been tmi about that situation for this blog post -.-

I was going insane this morning at home so I got on my bike and rode to the library, where I am now. I'm going to yoga at 4, which my grandpa is driving too, that will be awful. I'm really upset at my dad because he was going to drive me, but he decided he would rather go golfing instead of taking care of his daughter (he was originally going to golf in the morning and come back to take me to yoga in the afternoon). But he decided he wanted to golf all day, and ask my grandpa to drive from half an hour away to take me 15 min away to yoga, sit in the hot car for an hour, drive me back home and then drive home himself.. rude much? And plus it's not too safe driving with my grandpa, it actually terrifies me quite a bit, he is very old and really shouldn't be on the road anymore.

Next Thursday through Sunday I'm taking a trip across the country with my dad to visit colleges (another insanely huge stress factor right now I haven't even talked about), we're flying to Minneapolis/St. Paul, Minnesota and then we're going to drive to Chicago, Illinois. We'll be visiting 3 schools for sure and maybe a few others on the way. I'm just crossing my fingers I'll be on good terms with him at that point.

I should probably be going now, I have some things to do before yoga- I have to call the colleges I'll be visiting to set up tours (and possibly interviews, eek!), and get something to eat. I hope you're all doing well!