Sometimes I can have good days just by being in the right mindset, like maybe bad things happen or nothing happens at all and yet I'm just in the right mindset to take everything as it comes and not let it bother me. But then once I let this mindset down, as it can get tiring to think like that (takes a lot of effort to be positive!) everything comes crushing down and I remember all the bad. And I'm in negative mindset once again.
I have days like this where I feel positive and good every once in a while, not often though- today's one of those rare days. It's a very nice feeling. But then at the same time it's almost uncomfortable because I'm not used to it, I'm just used to being numb and depressed and shy. So feeling confident and good and able to handle everything is really strange. And it doesn't last anyways.
Not too sure where I'm going with this post?
Anyways, I see my ED doctor this afternoon, ick. I hope it goes well. There's no reason it shouldn't, I haven't given doctors appointments a second thought lately? If it doesn't go well I'll probably just refuse to come back anyway because I honestly don't need them anymore. I'm living my life without my ED in the picture. Yes it crops up at times, but I'm always able to manage it and get it back out. I want to just never go back to those stupid doctors, so many bad memories and they're so bitchy a lot of the time (excuse my language)!! And so suspicious all the time. ugh. The one thing I'm somewhat worried about is my scars from last week, but hopefully she won't notice, and if she does I'll probably just brush it off. Tell the truth, that it was just a minor slip-up and I got through it, there's no reason to worry about it. I realised that it didn't help at all, just made things worse if anything. I think if I tell her that she won't make a big deal of it.
Well I'm off to get a bagel now as usual and probably do a bit of painting downtown, hope you're all having good days. Wish me luck in my doctor appointment :)