Last night turned out being pretty rough. I posted on my tumblr:
All I’ve been doing today is studying and practice AP’s and homework and more studying and more practice questions and more coursework and beating myself up in my head about how much I suck and mom will you just fucking let me out of the house for 20 minutes to give me a break from my books and the same stale air and dad yelling and swearing and your constant negativity and you and dad fighting and your disapproval of me and our dysfunctional house so I can forget it all for a little while and relax over gelato or coffee with my best friend no okay I’ll just sit here slowly wasting away in my room while you yell at me some more and channel all your emotions into yelling at me at a time when I most definitely need that from you.
So not such a great night? family having issues as always, me burried in my books and completely stressed out. to the point where I couldn't really do anything anymore. Then the morning got off to a rocky start, I guess I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed- nothing to wear, completely exhausted, jaw hurting, phone with 6% battery, internet not working when I needed to submit an online assignment, stomach rejecting food, and of course the impending day at school with a Japanese writing assessment and section 3 of 4 for our mock AP Calculus test. But I got through the bad morning, wasn't even late to class, and I got through the school day without much issue. I did quite well on my Japanese writing assesment, I'm actually really proud of how I did, I ended up writing a paragraph for each of the two responses that was about as long as this paragraph, and the language came out really easily, I just kept typing and typing. And I looked over at some others, they had typed maybe a few lines, heheh! Then we had 'bubblefest' for our AP testing, where everybody goes to the auditorium and fills out their answer documents with their name, address, school, etc etc. and bubbles in all the letters for the info.. not sure if you have it the same in other countries? But we do it ahead of time so we save about half an hour of time on the actual test day from filling in our name and all that. Then it was to calculus, the test section we did today actually went pretty well compared to the two we've already done, not to say it wasn't still hard though :S
Now I'm just sitting in the library, waiting for my friend to pick me up to go study at Starbucks together. Tonight I have therapy, usch, I have NOT enjoyed therapy lately. I've felt like it just doesn't help at all and we're wasting so much money on something I don't need. (or I need it, but something that's not doing anything I guess.) But it's important for me to keep going :/
Anyways, I hope you're all doing well! :)