Monday, January 7, 2013


Today was my first day back at school after winter vacation.. and I can't say I enjoyed it.

I'm kind of opposite from a lot of people, the part about school I enjoy and go for is the learning/studying, while most people hate that and love seeing their friends and such. But I always just feel so terrible in school, surrounded by so many people, not really feeling like I fit in at all, the antisocial awkward person I am. I love spending time with my friends.. but just not at school? I don't know. I just hate school, I have for a long time now, I don't really know how to describe it.

It never fails to make me an anxious depressed tired mess of a person.

I've actually seriously thought about not going to school, switching into the 'middle college' program we have where instead of going to high school you take classes at the local community college. A lot more freedom in class choices and schedule, and not the whole "high-school atmosphere" to deal with. But I don't know.. usch. It's only the first day of the semester though, so maybe it could get better? It isn't usually any better though. :/

I guess I'll talk to my mum tonight about how tough of a time I have enjoying school, and my therapist tomorrow as well. Because I know, high school is tough for everybody, everyone has rough points and it's not the best section of their lives. But the two and a half years I've been at my school, it's been horrible the whole time. I've had mental issue after mental issue. And finally when my anorexia is now under control, anxiety is flaring up and becoming a huge problem for me, and depression, well that's just always been there throughout my time at school.

Most likely is that I'll stay at my school for the last year and a half I have. But it's definitely worth talking about with my parents/therapist, if not about changing my situation at least to try and figure out how I can make it a better experience for myself.

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