Thursday, October 18, 2012

Craziness

Hi all!

I had a great time in the city today, I'll post a bunch of pictures as soon as I get them uploaded to my computer. But for now it's a fast post and then off to bed for me, i'm super tired after a long day!

I feel like I still have so much to catch up about on my blog.. so much to write about. I'm planning on doing that tomorrow after lunch, when I have my hour and a half in the library.. it's a Friday, so I think it'll be fine if I focus on the blogg instead of maths for once ;) although I do have the psat on Saturday morning.. I suppose I'll just split my time between the two, I need my relax-time of course and I've studied pretty well (okay that's actually a HUGE overstatement.. I spent about an hour or an hour and a half a couple days ago studying through the workbook.. haven't actually taken a practice test yet even though I keep saying I will :S tomorrow will be the day for that!!! the day before the test? yup, that's how I do it apparently...).

Anyways. Today ended up being pretty crazy. Or I suppose, not today, it's just me, I was crazy today. And yesterday. And just in general. I don't know.. I'll tell you guys about it tomorrow, right now what I really need is to get some nice solid sleep in for a maths quiz tomorrow.

And my final words to you.. keep fighting ED, don't give up!! It will try to sneak in, slip into every little possible opening in your life. And you just have to stay strong.. If you give in one time, then you can't give in the next day as well. You can't just say, "well it's just for today, I'll stop after today. I'll just eat tomorrow." Because trust me, that doesn't work. You'll find that every day, you'll be saying the same thing.. well it's okay, I'll just get back on track tomorrow. And it just gets worse from there. Harder to get back on track. In my opinion, with ED habits, it only takes twice for a bad habit to form in recovery. Or that's how it is for me at least. If I restrict one day, and then the next day I give in and restrict again.. well after that, it's a pattern I can't get myself out of. So if you slip up one day (which, everybody has those days, it's not realistic to be 100% on recovery all the time..), well, just make sure that the next day, you get back on track. 

Sorry, that actually came out sounding more like a lecture.....?? sorry about that! I guess that was really just more of me lecturing myself :) because if you can tell by this point, well, I have slipped up quite a bit the past few days. And i'm on a bad downward path now. But I'm catching myself. I'm not going all the way back to where I was. I don't want to. That's not a life. I don't want that life. So I need to pick myself up, wake up tomorrow, and say. "Fuck anorexia. You're not running my life anymore." Excuse the swearing, but I felt it was necessary in this context ;)

Well there you go, my much longer-than-expected post when I really should be sleeping :) More tomorrow! x

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