Monday, September 10, 2012

The problem is that people care

Why do people have to care about me..? I have realized in the past few months that there are people that do. And it just makes everything so much more complicated.

I mean. I'm going along, hating that I have to be alive. Keep eating. Do all this stupid recovery stuff. (okay maybe not stupid.. but.. ugh.)

If people didn't care about me.. I wouldn't have to go through all this. I could just kill myself. Stop eating and go down to nothing. Do something to end the pain.. But I can't. I mean what would that do to my mum, dad? My close friends? Heck, even my not-so-close friends? Extended family? It would be horrible. I couldn't do that to them.

But I wish they just wouldn't care, if I lived or died, because then I could just go away. Be done with all this.

They do though. And that's the problem.

2 comments:

  1. Haha yeah...I get those thoughts too (used to a lot anyway) ;)

    But seriously now...THANK GOD THEY DO CARE!! (And me too even though I don't know you personally - just to add to the list:)) Not least because they keep you from throwing your life away yet...

    It's good they are a reason to keep you from ending your life, at least something why it's worth to go on!?

    They care because there is only this one unique version of YOU and everyone loves her (only she herself doesn't...:/!!)

    They care because they know there's a place for you in this world...and life waiting to be fully lived by you!

    Next to knowledge I think our lives are the most valuable thing we got...we can do with it whatever we want...do crazy stuff, happy stuff, sad stuff...but whatever we do - it's worth it!! Because life CAN be beautiful and fun even if we don't always believe that...me too I often doubt it but I can assume it's like that because of all those amazing little things that happen to me too!:)

    There's a whole life out there waiting to be lived by you, things to be learned, to be discovered by YOU - don't turn your back on them yet!! Aren't you curious for things? There are amazing things in this world... so much to be experienced out there...daily little things (think of your tumblr!)...don't give up on it!!

    I know it can be hard...just to believe and trust in others because you yourself can't...but there is a reeason why all those people care...and why they want you to go on - they can't all be wrong those many people!??:D

    Did you get my long comment on one of your older posts...? I was so hoping I could cheer you up a bit:)

    Me too I doubt daily...and all this silly medication and therapy stuff (not at least the EATING!!!) is really tiresome! But honestly...if I compare myself with the way I was last year...now: SO MUCH BETTER!! Not great...but better - and that's what counts and makes me hope and believe that it could even become better! I'm just too curious now to see how things are going to turn out for me...and finally there are those tiny really nice things that keep happening to me (even though my list of reasons why NOT to go on may still be quite long;)!)...they ARE reasons to go on...because I hope there'll be more and more of them!!:D

    Don't give up yet sweetie! You can live this life!! I believe in you too :)<3

    xxx

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  2. It might seem that that's a bad thing, but you're such a bright young woman, and I love who you are (What I know of you) that I can honestly say it's a wonderful thing that you're alive, and that you are here! Love you!

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