Wednesday, September 26, 2012

ED Treatment Problems

^^^Oh my gosh. So true.!! We've been getting a bunch of new clients lately. And 99% of the time I've been like..

Read this please!!!
(But just in my head of course :))

But seriously, lol! I've been like.. Did that girl just take my seat? RARRRRRR. Okay well I'll tolerate it for today I guess but seriously like ask where to sit before sitting down at the table. And then later on: Oh no, she did NOT just take MY blanket, oh daaaang, that's MINE. MY BLANKET. Hahahaha. I sound crazy?? i promise I'm not :) It's just how it is in treatment centers! And then when the new person like takes up the entire group talking themseles, it's just like, okay this is not your individual therapy, it's group therapy. And you're new. Let us talk, please. See how it works first, okay? 

Well got that little rant out. It's just little things like that, I don't know, they just seem to matter so much in treatment :)

But the rest of this blog is hilarious actually! I love it! :)

Updates! I'm back!

"I am too mentally unstable for this 'sweater in the morning, no sweater in the afternoon' kind of weather."

I saw that on tumblr today, and that totally describes me at the moment, hahaha :)

Hello everybody!!! (if anybody still reads my blog after such a long pause??).

I really want to get back into blogging, I missed it so much lately but for some reason I just haven't had the mental energy at all to write posts. I think with so much therapy every day, it's just so hard to sit down and write more about everything. And also with the monotony of day after day in recovery program.

But things are changing and hopefully i'll get back to the blogg!

So, what's happened since I fell out of blogging? Hmm. Well, I'm back in school now, doing a half schedule. That's pretty nice, having less pressure. And I've continued in my program, going to school in the morning and program for the rest of te day. It was going okay. But I started to kind of go downhill. And then all of a sudden insurance (I could go on and on and on about those idiots...) decided to drop me from my program a couple weeks ago. My therapist argued with them a ton and got me 8 more days, spread over 3 weeks, so I could at least ease out. So I have tomorrow and tuesday and thursday next week, then I'm done with my program. My doctor has been talking a lot lately about sending me to a 6 months residential program a few states away from me....... :O. But I've been open to it, maybe it would help me to get better. But I'm thinking less that that is going to happen now. It was extremely probable for a time. But I'm doing a little better now than I was, and I am actually seeing some progress that I have made in my time in treatment.. I mean, I'm far from better right now. But at least there's little tiny things I've noticed..? I'll write another post about it, I'm exhausted right now and don't really feel like getting into it :) But I think I might do okay without program. It will be really hard though.. and with all the sudden freedom I'll have..? It will definitely be a lot of unknowns.

Well, there's an update on everything going on up to now.. or not really emotionally, but at least what I've been up to? I'm WAYYY too tired to even get into any emotions right now from all the therapy today, so I'll just leave that for another post as well. And I'm also feeling a headache coming on :( so I think I'll head off to bed a little earlier than usual now! It would be nice to get another hour or so of sleep.. I think I'll take advantage of my lack of homework tonight. I feel like I should be studying more???? I think I'm slipping back into 'obsessive worker/studier' a little bit.. :/ need to catch myself before I get too crazy hard on myself!! 

Well I think I'll leave it at that for tonight, I hope you're all doing well! :) Let me know if you're still here! Haha! 

And I think it's safe to say.. you can expect another post tomorrow :) 

Goodnight! (Good afternoon? Good morning? Whatever applies to you, haha!!)

^^^all old pictures.. but. just incase you had forgotten what I looked like since it's been so long, lol!!

To sit out in the sun, plug in music, and relax...

It's much needed at times :)

And as soon as I get back home from recovery center today, I am sitting down at my computer and fixing this whole lack-of-posting problem!!


Monday, September 10, 2012

The problem is that people care

Why do people have to care about me..? I have realized in the past few months that there are people that do. And it just makes everything so much more complicated.

I mean. I'm going along, hating that I have to be alive. Keep eating. Do all this stupid recovery stuff. (okay maybe not stupid.. but.. ugh.)

If people didn't care about me.. I wouldn't have to go through all this. I could just kill myself. Stop eating and go down to nothing. Do something to end the pain.. But I can't. I mean what would that do to my mum, dad? My close friends? Heck, even my not-so-close friends? Extended family? It would be horrible. I couldn't do that to them.

But I wish they just wouldn't care, if I lived or died, because then I could just go away. Be done with all this.

They do though. And that's the problem.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Insurance is a bitch. Thanks for caring about me, random company that has no clue who I am besides another number in their system.

Sunday, September 2, 2012


My current music obsession: 
Lights by Ellie Goulding