Monday, August 27, 2012

In the end, the only person you can get better for is yourself.

Something that's come up a lot in my mind and therapy and such lately, is that in the end you really need to recover for yourself.

Yes, you can get better for your parents, best friends, boyfriend, husband, kids, teachers, counsellors, therapists, family, etc. And this is important of course. They are a huge reason to get better, and a great (if not only) motivator for many people when they're going through treatment. It hurts them to see you broken, to see you not doing well. You want to be okay so that they don't have to worry. So they can be happy that you're okay.

But really in the end, just going off that motivation to please them isn't what will make you 100% better. You might get most of the way on that alone. But even if it's just the last 1%, you have to do it for yourself.

There are all the little tricks, things you can do, not to eat everything you're supposed to. Everyone reading this probably knows exactly what i'm talking about, we all have to admit that we've done it at one time or another. And yes, maybe you can skip a snack, or not eat 100%, and feel like you're still in control because it won't noticeably effect your health. Just little tiny things, a couple bread crumbs off here or spreading the extra sauce around your plate. Maybe it won't affect your vitals and your weight.

But it affects your mind. Every time you do something like that, it will boost your eating disorder a little bit more. As long as you're doing that, maybe you're still getting better physically because of these tiny things, but they all add up in your mind.

Your parents, counsellors, friends, everybody may be seeing progress. They may never know of the little things you might do on occasion. But really you need to be truthful to yourself.

"It's just a couple of crumbs, it doesn't even matter..." Well if it's your ED telling you that, then it does matter.

You need to take those steps to get past your eating disorder, to stop letting it win in tiny scenarios like that. You need to take power over it, not letting it continue to control your life even as you're recovering. Because unless you're truthful to yourself, and realize that those seemingly insignificant behaviors really do affect you negatively, you'll never be able to truly recover. You can recover for others. But there are things they'll never know, that you need to be truthful to yourself about- the little things that when you choose to fight against them eventually, then you'll really start to recover. You'll be getting better for yourself, because you choose to be free.

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