Sunday, July 22, 2012


Hello all!

Yesterday, I had a 2.5 hour yoga private lesson- it was AMAZING! So much fun, really relaxing.. I love yoga so much! I just feel so good after it. It's a great feeling. My teacher is my nutritionist, who I've probably talked about a lot before, I absolutely love her, she's so awesome. I take the yoga class every friday morning with her.. but then yesterday, we went to an actual yoga center and she taught me for 2.5 hours!! It was so much fun doing it in an actual center, a whole wall with the ropes and such, and a ton of props, here's a picture of the center we were at:

So cool, right??!

So basically if you can tell.. i'm totally addicted to yoga now!! :)

I'll try to write a few more posts today about how things are going! 

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Things are going well... not

Sorry for the negativity right from the beginning. But everything is just not going great at the moment. In fact, I would say it's pretty opposite from great..

I'm physically a lot better now, (which I don't like). Doctors visits go well, everybody's happy about my progress. "progress". But mentally I'm nowhere near okay. Mentally i'm doing horribly.

I don't really want to get into much.. I mean it would probably be triggering for some people to hear everything going through my mind right now, and I don't even know where to start anyway.. maybe i'll get into it sometime soon. Start writing it all out again. But not tonight at least.

I'm still at the treatment centre every day, that's pretty much all I do.. i've been doing a little of hanging out with friends, but that's hard to do because of treatment and appointments all the time.

The past couple weeks I've been having really bad side effects from my meds, last week was horrible nausea and this week has been nausea and a lot of dizziness. It's only making things harder, just making me want to eat even less (and giving me an excuse not to eat a lot of the time :/).

Things with mum have been hard, she's been super intense about the food and such.. i'm always under watch, always. I'm sick of it. Sick of everything. I just want it all to go away. I want to stop eating again, go back to my little world of ana. But I know that's not the good thing to do, it's not actually good there, it's even worse being that sick. Mentally I'm still there right now though. If I wasn't being watched all the time, I would go right back to not eating at all. Sometimes I think, I'll just get through the treatment and do everything right as fast as I can so I can get back to my life and go back to old ways again. But I'm not going to do that. I'm going to get better. I just have to keep telling myself that... because I don't believe it. The only motivation for me to eat right now is so I don't get in trouble for not eating. And because I have no other choice.

Sometimes it feels like it's everybody around me against me, sometimes it's like everybody's with me trying to help. Recently it's been more of "everybody's against me". But I do always have people to help me, people I can vent to that understand exactly what I mean (like my new best friend at program, who is the most amazing person ever). But also all the staff (the nice ones at least, there's only one that actually gets on my nerves, but the rest I absolutely LOVE.) Everybodys' there to help me. It just doesn't always seem that way.

Anyways this has just been a long rambling post of pretty much nothing.. oh well, I hope that didn't bore you or confuse you or anything. Happy to hear from me finally? haha, I'm trying to get back to posting every day again now, you can hope to hear from me tomorrow, and maybe even some pictures :) but that would be quite ambitious haha.

Hope you're all doing well, I'm going to try to send out some comments to your blogs as soon as I can, drop by and say hello- I haven't stopped reading anybody's blogs! :)

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Surprise- it's me!

Hello everybody!

I know, it's been a REALLY long time since I've blogged last- i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry! I can truly say that I miss keeping up on my blog. It's so much fun and a good release/process, and I just wish I had the energy to do it more. But i'm really going to try to start it up again!

Now I actually need to get some sleep because I have to get up early tomorrow, but I'm going to try my darndest to write a blog tomorrow :)

So don't give up on me! I'll be back tomorrow, promise!! :)

Friday, July 6, 2012

I'm still here :)

Hello hello!

I just wanted to write a quick post to let you all know, i'm still here :)

Sorry I haven't been writing lately, I've really just needed to be focusing on my recovery and staying on track, my extra energy for doing other things has been pretty much 0. I do have a vlog recorded though from a couple days ago, I'll try to get that uploaded tonight :)

Hope everybody's doing well!!

went to the beach with some friends last weekend!..

^^camera in hand.. how i'm usually seen ;) hehe

just thought i'd add a couple recent pictures :) a vlog will be uploaded soon!

And now i'm off to friday morning yoga class!! :)