Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Sorry i've been so bad about updating my blog lately, I wish I've had the energy to do it but I just haven't been able to sit down and write good posts the past few days. I guess i'm still exhausted from this year, everything catching up to me.

We toured the two recovery places today, I am 100% certain of the place I want to go to. I really liked it there, it was really nice, everything about it was great. It's this nice cute house, and everything about it is really welcoming- lots of windows, good furnishings, just overall really inviting and good. The other place was in this like office complex and didn't have any windows, there was a constant buzzing in the background of either sound diffusers or air conditioners (or maybe both), flourescent lights, their furniture wasn't very nice. The dining area/kitchen was absolutely horrible compared with the nice place which has a really awesome kitchen and seperate dining room. Everything about the place I liked was better than the other one.

So i'll be going for appointments to get the program set up on wednesday and friday, and start monday. And i'm hanging out with S on tuesday and thursday. Tomorrow i'm going to her house and we're making cookies, it will be really fun, and thursday we're going to the mall and doing some shopping!

I have been seriously lazy today besides the tours, when I got home I lay on the couch and basically watched shows on tv from 4 until 10, with maybe some time spent on the computer here and there. Well I think I need a break at least, I'm justified in laying on the couch for hours after everything that's happened this year :)

And other than that i've felt pretty bad tonight, not sure why. Just about everything, all the fun stuff I'm missing out on. The great life I could be having if all this didn't happen. Wondering why things even got like this. Why can't I just be happy? Why can't I be confident and fun and enjoy my life? Not have to worry about every little thing, just be able to live my life? I've been really upset about that tonight. I just want to be happy, is that too much to ask? I don't want to lose my teenage years, time that most people just take for granted. I've already lost half of my time in high school to depression and anorexia. And i'm afraid that the next two years will be the same. I want to be normal. Sometimes I would just give anything to be normal.

And a lot of the time I would just rather not exist. Because I want to be happy, But if i'm not, if I can't be, then what's the point in being here?

Sorry for the kinda down post.. but there's a bit of all the stuff on my mind right now. It's the truth and this is my blog so I'm going to write the truth about what's going on in my mind. I'm just going to go to sleep now, hopefully have a good time tomorrow and have a bit more energy to post and put up the loads of pictures I have waiting.

Stay strong, let's get out of this mess while we still can, not let ed or depression take away any more of our lives than they already have. x

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