Wednesday, May 30, 2012

feeling totally crappy

So guess what's in my head right now?

I can't eat. I'm fat. I'm worthess. I'm a complete failure. I want to be skinny. I don't want to do things right. I want to exercise, not just for fun but to burn calories. I'm already fat, they don't need to make me gain more weight. Absolutely everything about me is just horrible.


Nope, I was not like this before yesterday afternoon. I had been like this before, but as I said. I learned to manage the thoughts. I learned to look past them. Not pay attention to what I was telling myself. Focus on the more important things. Not worry over how I looked, worry about my health and my academics, those are the more important things.

Where did it all go? All the positivity, optimism, pepp, motivation? I want it back. I want all this negative to go away.

It's so hard to bear.. all the bad voices in your head. I had kind of forgotten how absolutely horrible it is.

But it's just to keep eating. I can't do it... No. I can do it. I have been for the past few weeks. And I can continue to do well. 

I can. And I will. No matter how much everything in me is telling me the opposite.

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