Tuesday, April 3, 2012

All the little things add up.

My mind tends to completely over-exaggerate things a lot of the time. Someone will do or say something tiny, but then I think about it way too much and it becomes huge. And little things the past few days have added up in my mind to nobody actually cares about me. 

Yesterday, I never ended up getting a pass to go see my counsellor. They probably just forgot about me or something, maybe they were too busy with people that are more important. But basically not being able to talk last friday and them forgetting to call me in yesterday when they said they would- makes me think that they don't care. Of course I know this is not true, but. That's still what I think when things like that happen.

Then this morning was horrible. In english class, we got assigned a project and we could work in groups of however many people we want (some are doing pairs, some are doing up to 8 or 9 people, so pretty big range). My two good friends in that class immediately went off together. I am really close to one of them, the other I used to be good friends with but now it seems like she doesn't really pay too much attention to me at all. Anyways, they just went and started working together not even looking at me. They are also my only really good friends in that class, and they both know that I'm extremely shy and hate working with people I don't know so well, especially on this type of project (we have to act out a scene from a movie or play, to finish up our unit on Julius Caesar by trying out acting). So that hurt a lot, when they just went off like that. I tried to ask if I could join them, but they were too busy planning things out and they either didn't hear me or were ignoring me. So now I'm in a group with people I don't know too well so it's really uncomfortable for me, especially having to act. The people in my group actually kind of annoy me.. :/ oh well.

So then I texted my best friend to ask if he was busy afterschool, because we usually spend some time together on tuesdays and thursdays since those are the days he has swimming practice in the morning rather than afternoon. And he knows things have been really hard for me the past few days. But he responded that he was busy afterschool, he could talk during lunch though. We spent the whole lunch period together, which was nice except that there wasn't really anything he could do to make me feel any better. And as I had suspected, he was hanging out with the girl we are both pretty good friends with that he's now in some kind of complicated relationship with.. I guess they aren't technically dating yet, but it's close enough? I'm not quite sure what's going on. But for some reason it makes me really upset when I see them together or hear about them. It's kind of like, now she's more important to him, like she'll become his priority. But that's not true, I'm just being hard on him I guess with all my crazy ways of thinking. But it does make me kind of upset at times when I need him like now, but he is with her instead.

So things with others aren't really great right now.. feeling like nobody cares. but why should they anyways?

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